The Radical Act of Choosing Your Joy

For years, I felt like I was constantly underwater—drowning in carpools, homework, volunteering, and the endless "mom" to-do list. I was doing all the things, but I was living on empty. A close friend recommended I read Marie Kondo's books, and while her tidying methods resonated, it was a single word that stuck with me and changed everything: joy.

It got me thinking: how many of us have real joy in our lives? Not the fleeting kind, but the deep-in-your-bones, soul-nourishing kind. How many of us just keep our heads above water when we should be learning how to swim?

For me, the change began when I started asking myself a simple, daily question: "Does this spark joy?"

This question went far beyond what clothes to keep. It became a powerful litmus test for my entire life. Do I want to go to that social event? Do I want to spend my precious energy with these people? Do I need to be on that volunteer committee? If the answer was no, I said no. I looked at my overbooked calendar and started taking things off my plate. I gave my kids downtime after school because we all needed it. I stopped people-pleasing and started honoring my own wants and desires.

Let’s be honest with ourselves, though—the decision isn't always that simple. I also added a second question to my mantra: "Does it enhance my financial security?" If the answer to either of those questions was no, I didn't do it.

My perspective on life suddenly became so simple. My energy became my own again, and it felt like a weight had been lifted. So many of us put our own emotions and needs on the back burner to accommodate others, but for what? Life is too short not to incorporate as much joy and peace as possible.

We have this distorted version of what joy is supposed to look like—like it's a mold we all have to fit into. But it's not. Joy is personal, and it's time we stop being afraid to admit what ours looks like out loud. For me, it's quiet mornings, music, deep conversations with friends and family, listening to the waves on the beach, and loud laughter. These are all things I now consciously seek out because I’ve learned to not feel guilty about choosing me.

While we can't control what happens to us, we can always control our reactions. We can always choose our perspective. Most importantly, we can choose joy.