The "You’re Not a 10" Conversation We All Need

I had a fascinating lunch with a colleague last week. We were having a good laugh about reality shows and how our kids binge-watch things like Love Island as if it were a guide to dating. But it got my brain turning, and our conversation shifted to expectations. My colleague mentioned growing up on Disney movies, waiting for her Prince Charming. But today, with every swipe and every show, we’re fed an endless diet of seemingly perfect people, giving us completely unrealistic standards for ourselves and everyone else.

I’m as guilty as anyone—these shows are like a train wreck you can’t look away from. But then I put on my "mom hat" and have to remind my kids that none of this is real. Nothing you see on a screen is 100% authentic, yet our society has become dependent on these platforms for our understanding of life, love, and what we "deserve."

I recently watched a documentary that followed four individuals looking for love. One young woman, in particular, was completely out of touch with reality. Even after going to a professional matchmaker, she rejected every single person because they didn't meet her exact physical requirements. I have to admit, at the beginning of the documentary, I thought she was an attractive person. But as the show went on, as I got to know the contents of her character, she became less and less attractive.

We all judge a book by its cover. But maybe it's time we start reading the book before we decide we don't like it. Maybe that person is a 6 or a 7 on the outside, but a certified 10 on the inside. Maybe once you read their story, that book becomes your absolute favorite.

And here’s the most difficult truth that no one likes to acknowledge about themselves: maybe you are not a 10.

And so what if you're not? That’s not an insult; it’s a moment for honest self-reflection. But let’s take it a step further: who created this grading system anyway? Who decides what's a 10 and what isn't? We shouldn’t be trying to erase those laugh lines; they're not flaws, they’re reminders of your joys, which only enhance your light. I believe that everyone has the potential to be a 10 on the inside—it’s something that is within your control, something you can cultivate. I know so many amazing people who undersell themselves. They don't give themselves enough credit for how incredible they truly are.

While we should always have high standards for who we let into our lives and share our energy with, that goes both ways. You are worth it, and you deserve the best. But when you look in the mirror, ask yourself if you're giving the best version of yourself as well.

It's time to stop looking for a 10 and start being the 10.