Is He Growing With You, or Holding You Back? (The Uncomfortable Truth About Settling in Marriage)

My friend sat across from me, her eyes filled with a pain I recognized: the quiet agony of a  marriage in limbo. 'Is he growing with me, or am I just... stuck?' she asked. 

We've all been there, haven't we? That moment when you realize you've evolved, while he...  hasn't. Decades in, and the man you loved is a stranger, a co-worker who brings his negativity  home, a partner who's lost his zest for life.  

He's the 'good guy' at work, but at home? It's a different story. The displaced frustrations, the  emotional toll, the "is it me?" spiral. Perhaps there’s alcohol, or other substances, that add fuel to  the fire and turn it into emotional abuse. 

Like the tides, it’s an inherent truth that any enduring relationship will experience natural ebbs  and flows, moments of intense closeness followed by times of distance or friction. It's during  these lower points, when the familiar rhythm is disrupted and challenges arise, that our minds  can sometimes turn inward, seeking explanations for the discomfort. We might begin to  scrutinize the foundation of the partnership, searching for reasons or perceived incompatibilities  that could explain the current difficulties, almost as if trying to rationalize the pain or uncertainty  we're feeling. 

You try everything: talking, therapy, books. But the old habits creep back, and you wonder: Can  you teach an old dog new tricks? 

Ladies, let's be honest: Are you settling? Is the 'comfort' of routine worth the slow erosion of  your soul? Are you staying because society tells you to, or because your heart still believes  there’s hope? And if there’s hope, isn’t it worth fighting for? Have you given yourself a  timeline? 

We, as women, have this incredible ability to self-reflect, to dive deep, to share our truths. Men, often, don't. They isolate, they cling, they become emotionally dependent.We crave growth,  adventure, a partner who wants to experience life with us. Not someone who's dragging us down. 

• Here's the hard truth: You are not responsible for his behavior. 

You can't fix him. You can't change him. You can only control your actions, your emotions, your truth. 

• Ask yourself: Why are you reacting? Why are you shutting down? Why are you  settling? 

Is there still love? Can he find his light again? Can the flame reignite? I don't have the answers.  But I know this:

• Don't apologize for evolving. Don't apologize for wanting more. Don't apologize for  being UNSETTLED. 

Sometimes, you have to walk through the darkness to find your light. And sometimes, you have  to walk alone. 

Share your stories. Have you been here? What did you do? What did you learn? Tag a  sister who needs to hear this.