The Invisible Load: Are We Wives, Mothers, or Martyrs? (Let's Talk About It)

I'm a strong woman. You are too. So why does it feel like we're always the default, the 'handler' of everything? The endless giving, the constant decision-making – is this just the wife/mother/ caretaker role on repeat?

I grew up watching it. Dad, the provider, often away. Mom, the rock at home, managing it all. I admired her strength, but now I wonder: did she ever feel the weight of it all, the quiet

resentment of a dream deferred?

Losing my own mother right after my first child thrust me into that role overnight. Husband

traveling for his dream (and ours), father often away, a younger sister needing support –

suddenly, I was 'handling' everything. Was I honoring Mom's legacy, or just perpetuating a cycle?

I watched my husband and father chase their passions, build careers, with a fierce pride tinged with something else... envy. They got to pour themselves into their dreams, no regrets. What about mine? Were they less valid? Was wanting more selfish?

Maybe. Maybe not. Because here's the truth: I love my family. My life is good. But somewhere between wiping noses and managing schedules, 'caretaker' became my sole identity. And now, with my kids growing, that identity feels... constricting, obsolete.

We see the career women, the providers who seemingly 'sacrifice' motherhood. We see the

domestic goddesses, thriving in their roles. Both judged, both with their own battles. I envied the latter's seemingly effortless control, even as I felt like a frazzled outsider in my own perfectly manicured community.

Do those 'together' women feel as unraveled as I do inside? It's a selfish thought, but a real one.

What happens when the caretaking chapter closes? Who are we then? Our mothers often had no blueprint for this next stage. Mine didn't. I don't.

This isn't a lament. It's a question. A call for honesty. Are we settling into roles that no longer

serve us? Are we carrying an invisible load that's crushing our own potential? What’s next for

us? What is our second act?

Let's talk about it. Let's challenge these ingrained roles. Let's ask the uncomfortable questions. Because maybe, just maybe, acknowledging the weight is the first step to finally putting it down.

What role do you find yourself in? What are you carrying? Let's break the silence.