The Self-Care They Never Taught You

If you've followed this blog for a while, you know I'm not afraid to live in the uncomfortable space on the edge. One topic that I've noticed makes everyone a little unsettled is sex. For some, it's a taboo or embarrassing subject, while for others, it's a natural and joyful part of life. I've found it's a topic that's often unspoken, especially among women, who are expected to be less vocal about their needs. And honestly? I think that’s ludicrous.

Ladies, we are goddesses. We are sensual, beautiful creatures who deserve to be worshipped in and out of the bedroom. But to truly be treated like the goddesses we are, we must foremost be completely comfortable and confident in our own skin. We must know what we like and, just as importantly, what we don't. This is where it gets really unsettling: we cannot be afraid to explore our own bodies. Self-care goes beyond a simple home facial or a mani-pedi; it means taking that soothing bubble bath to the next level and truly allowing ourselves that "O."

I feel there’s often a double standard when it comes to this topic, as if it’s strictly a "guy’s thing." With men, it appears to be no big deal—almost expected. They can joke about it and speak openly without issue. Whereas, when it comes to women, it’s an entirely different situation. Men often sensationalize it like a scene from an adult film or frame it as something we only do for them, to turn them on. But why can’t we turn ourselves on? Women have incredible imaginations, plus the desire for mental as well as physical stimulation. The art of self-pleasure for a woman isn't about looking for a quick release; it’s much more than that.

I was in my early 20s when I fully embraced the idea of being completely free and uninhibited in my sex life. I had a partner who was open and encouraging, and he gave me the confidence to express my desires without any insecurities. He encouraged me to get in touch with myself, to not be afraid or embarrassed. That education was incredibly enlightening and freeing; I learned aspects about myself that proved very beneficial in the bedroom. Years later, I attended my first "sex party"—a girls' night with a host who fully embraced celebrating the Feminine Divine. It was so refreshing to be around other like-minded women. Since then, I’ve hosted a number of my own, and I'm pleased to say that I am still learning new things. I’ve learned to feel comfortable and safe with my partner, often sharing whatever new "tricks" or "toys" I’ve acquired along the journey.

So ladies, my message is this: Don’t be afraid to explore your body and get comfortable within the uncomfortable. Learn to express your thoughts, desires, and needs to your partner. Turn down the lights, put on some music, light that candle, and don’t be ashamed to worship yourself. Because the unsettling truth is that we all deserve a happy ending.